She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
