I faked an abortion last night.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
