I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
MIDGETS
????
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
