No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
