As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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