i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
