So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm really busy with my period
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