Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
