no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
