the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
NoShamevember. You game?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
