My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
