Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Your penis caused this!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
