I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
