her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
