Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
