so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You may now shotgun with the bride
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
