You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
