I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
