I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
now i know why i became what i already was.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
