in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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