I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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