My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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