Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
