I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
