If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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