the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
