exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
