This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
