Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm really busy with my period
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