his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
