I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
