hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
