roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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