Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
