May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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