Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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