you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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