so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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