Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
