Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
