i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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