I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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