he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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