Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
