your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
