my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
