if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
