call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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