Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
