My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
