Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
