BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
