i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
