I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cut my penus on the lid.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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