Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
